So I guess Tim Allen thought that 8 years of Home Improvement and 2 Santa Clause movies wasn't enough of a punishment for humanity at large, so now he is doing a remake of the Shaggy Dog movie. Normally I would just ignore this information and move on with my life. But someone had taken it upon themselves to plaster Los Angeles, including a 9 million foot tall billboard on Highland and Franklin, with the horrible horrible horrible horrifying movie poster, with the scariest dog I have ever seen in my life. Seriously, if that dog tried to get near me I would run screaming like a wild banshee for the hills. I almost crash my car every time I see it.
Then Marcel is like, "Why does that dog actually LOOK like Tim Allen?" And I'm like "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" and now I am traumatized even more. Then I saw the preview for it in the theatre, and yes, oh yes... the theme song is "Who let the dogs out?"
I think the real question should be "Who let the Hollywood studio executives smoke crack for lunch?"
This is not ok people. I hate animals, and more specifically I hate overzealous animal people. There is a woman at my work who has a magnet that says "Talk to the Paw". I found an exact replica online for your viewing pleasure. Every day when I walk by it I want to rip out my own hair at how FUCKING DUMB it is. I mean, I am terrified beyond terror of the person who finds this amusing. My terror ranking goes 1) Talk to the Paw People, 2) Dogs 3) Actual terrorists from the Middle East or wherever. I would so mano to mano a real terrorist, but I would not even want to associate with someone who likes Talk to the Paw paraphenlia.
PS. the Slogan for the Shaggy Dog movie is "Raise the Woof". Vomit vomit vomit vomit blelehehahdchhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhh.